My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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