So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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