I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
