so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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