i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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