remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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