He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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