He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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