I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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