he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
