hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
