She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize