I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize