Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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