So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
