Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
