My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
