You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
