I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
