Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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