I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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