i used baking grease as lip gloss
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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