He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize