But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
