can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
