there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize