You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
