my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
