i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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