Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
