i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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