Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
