So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
