You can't motorboat a personality
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
