Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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