After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
