Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
