Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
