What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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