Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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