I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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