you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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