Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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