He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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