The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
