I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
