my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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