So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.