Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on

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  (773): In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on http://tfl.nu/7jta
  Replies (2) Good night (747) Bad night (777)
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  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?

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  (340): just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free? http://tfl.nu/81qf
  Replies (17) Good night (938) Bad night (1719)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

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  (469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them http://tfl.nu/zk8b
  Replies (7) Good night (2896) Bad night (721)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.

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  (603): he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me. http://tfl.nu/oqud
  Replies (79) Good night (873) Bad night (6330)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.

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  (317): It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English. http://tfl.nu/xp6b
  Replies (5) Good night (3742) Bad night (648)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (6051) Bad night (1035)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.

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  (319): You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while. http://tfl.nu/w0el
  Replies (6) Good night (2907) Bad night (993)
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  (805): View more from California

  Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.

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  (805): Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren. http://tfl.nu/c1hy
  Replies (3) Good night (2294) Bad night (1151)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol

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  (320): I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol http://tfl.nu/5ctw
  Replies (13) Good night (2426) Bad night (789)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?

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  (215): Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/vjuq
  Replies (11) Good night (2349) Bad night (690)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted

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  (540): I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted http://tfl.nu/dbr2
  Replies (6) Good night (1233) Bad night (425)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?

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  (325): I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good? http://tfl.nu/0pjz
  Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (1014)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH

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  (859): I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ebr6
  Replies (1) Good night (737) Bad night (532)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.

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  (215): tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours. http://tfl.nu/k3ze
  Replies (9) Good night (1120) Bad night (338)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza

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  (908): Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza http://tfl.nu/tg8r
  Replies (1) Good night (777) Bad night (283)

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