Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?

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  (805): i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns? http://tfl.nu/p7xv
  Replies (5) Good night (888) Bad night (2188)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.

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  (402): i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction. http://tfl.nu/maqc
  Replies (31) Good night (5317) Bad night (580)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.

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  (803): I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway. http://tfl.nu/iohv
  Replies (8) Good night (1828) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.

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  (240): she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever. http://tfl.nu/656k
  Replies (27) Good night (5880) Bad night (682)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point

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  (660): I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point http://tfl.nu/7cy0
  Replies (30) Good night (1032) Bad night (4539)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.

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  (727): he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jd33
  Replies (39) Good night (5638) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.

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  (920): The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap. http://tfl.nu/xkff
  Replies (8) Good night (704) Bad night (4455)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he made a bald eagle out of coke lines

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  (818): he made a bald eagle out of coke lines http://tfl.nu/gy34
  Replies (5) Good night (2382) Bad night (1096)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.

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  (250): I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all. http://tfl.nu/5qpa
  Replies (12) Good night (2299) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!

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  (+44): Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome! http://tfl.nu/jhr8
  Replies (2) Good night (2062) Bad night (541)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.

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  (254): I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits. http://tfl.nu/syex
  Replies (11) Good night (1248) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours

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  (508): Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours http://tfl.nu/2ezn
  Replies (6) Good night (1179) Bad night (403)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?

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  (612): Did you put pizza in my boxers last night? (1-612): I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day? http://tfl.nu/wnhf
  Replies (0) Good night (502) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?

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  (816): so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet? http://tfl.nu/ne2f
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!

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  (954): Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up! http://tfl.nu/2rk8
  Replies (0) Good night (233) Bad night (391)

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