A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
