Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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