when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
