The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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