I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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