I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
