i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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