Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
