so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
