Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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