I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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