can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
