i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
