If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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