Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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