you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
