i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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