remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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