sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
