omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
