dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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