He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
