I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
