I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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