i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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