And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
