I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
