you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
