doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
