dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
