ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
